


Done Bleeding

by SalaciaVerena



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Poe Dameron, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo On Trial, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo deserved a happy ending, Separations, Slightly Dark!Rey, Slow Burn, Tender Warrior Rey, Whump, forcetime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:14:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23101540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalaciaVerena/pseuds/SalaciaVerena
Summary: This fic is set post-TROS.  Everything canonically is the same except for Ben doesn’t die at the end.  What would happen if he lived?  What consequences would he face?  We know that Ben is redeemed and that his dyad with Rey is unbreakable.  We know what Ben has sacrificed and his struggle to become redeemed.  But to the rest of the galaxy?  Ben Solo doesn’t exist.  He’ll always be Kylo Ren, the man who slaughtered billions.  How can Rey make them see what she has?  How can Ben atone?  How can Rey and Ben, who’ve overcome so much, finally share their love?  Welcome to Done Bleeding, my friends.Rated E in future chapters, will add tags as they come up
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 61
Kudos: 67





	1. After

Ben felt something tear through him when he felt Rey fade from the force.There was a ripping in his mind and his soul to feel her leaving.As he clawed his way out from the pit, panic set in.Rey could not be lost.Not her, not now when they were so close.Every second she grew further away and the spot where she lived, at the end of some mental tether, grew colder.It made his stomach turn and his skin crawl.The physical act of being parted from her made him ill.He had to get to her.

He limped his way forward, falling.Her lifeless body was in his sight now.Ben Solo was consumed by one thing and one thing only - save Rey.Save her at any cost.

He began to crawl towards her, inch by agonizing inch.Whatever heart had beaten within his chest was slowly crumbling watching her lifeless face.Those eyes that had held such fervor were now glassy and haunting. 

He pulled her into his lap, crushing her to him.She was so small in his arms.He’d always wanted to hold her again, ever since he carried her to his ship while she was unconscious.As their bond had grown he’d wondered what he’d taken for granted by being so close to her once and just thinking she was some ordinary scavenger.Strapped to that chair he had felt the pull. _Don’t worry- I feel it too._ He had been consumed by her ever since.

Now, though, he felt that his grief would consume him.His face screwed shut and tears made their way down his face.His Rey, brave Rey, _gone._

Slowly, steadily, he sat up straight and laid her in his lap.Taking a deep breath he settled his hand behind her neck and another over her abdomen.He tried not to notice how much space his hand covered on her, how small she was.Closing his eyes, he tried to calm his breath to reach an even pace and slow the racing inside of himself.He reached out to the force.

She was still there.

It was faint but he would always know her presence.Her being was part of him.He’d always known it but to hear Palpatine say it was too much.Ben had felt such resentment.He’d imagined a different life where he could’ve looked into her eyes and told her those words himself, devoid of power play and politics.Just the two of them alone, together.

He found stillness.He focused on his feelings, his love for Rey.Sitting with his feelings, he let the memories he had of her play out over him.His Rey.

Suddenly, her hand came up to his.

She sat up in his arms and Ben could scarcely allow himself to register the hope in her eyes, the hope that said, _Are you still Ben Solo?_

When she finally exhales his name, her answer reached, something inside of him springs into place.It’s belonging.He’s hers now and forever.It feels like a homecoming, something he’s never been comfortable with suddenly a revelation of wonders.The way she says his name is filled with love.

And before he knows what’s happening she’s kissing him.It feels like a completion.Gratitude pours through him into the force, gratitude for bringing this woman back to him.He presses her closer to him, afraid to let go. 

When they finally pull away from each other Ben’s first smile in years crests over his face, washing his features with a kind of joy they haven’t known since childhood.This is something pure.Something that can’t be taken away or tainted by the dark side.This is love, his love for Rey.He ran his thumb over her cheek and chin.Their connection is restored and he can sense her there at the end of his bond.

Ben Solo knows this moment must end though.Because all moments end, especially the nice ones as he’s lived it.He knows the battle overhead is finished and he can hear the sound of resistance fighters coming closer to them.How much time has he passed kissing Rey, holding her?He can’t bring himself to move as he hears them approach.

If they kill him on the spot, he wants to die in Rey’s arms.He doesn’t break away from her, just holds her close, burying his face into her hair.Let them take him, just please not away from Rey.He couldn’t bear being separated from her now.He clutches her tighter, knowing what is coming though anyway.

“Rey,” he whispers, “they’re coming.I don’t know what they’re going to do, but I will always be with you Rey.”He moves away and holds her face between his hands and presses their foreheads together.“Rey, no matter what, I will find you, we will be together.”

The footsteps drew even closer, shouting.He barely processes the hands that pull them apart.He can hear the shouts, at him, at Rey.He knew the things they’d say. _Monster._ It was true.But he hoped it didn’t have to be true forever.Some small part of him hoped that there could be redemption for the creature in the mask, that somewhere there was forgiveness for someone like him.He had Rey’s love and that was enough.He had lived long enough to see her look at him with love and admiration instead of scorn.That was enough.

As they dragged him away, his face was serene.Rey was shouting, fighting resistance pilots who held her back as she struggled to get close to him.He tried to send his acceptance, his hope, his love through their bond to show her that things would be okay.

The last thing he thought before he was knocked unconscious was that he hoped Rey didn’t have to see him die.Seeing her gone had torn him apart.He couldn’t imagine the pain of living a lifetime without one half of the bond.There was no one to save him now.As he faded to black, he let out one prayer into the universe.

_Don’t let this be it, not like this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Nobody asked for Nuremberg trials for TROS but here we are. You guys, Poe is a righteous man. We've all seen TLJ. If you think he isn't asking for heads after the Final Order is taken down, you are wrong. I love Poe Dameron but man has righteousness written all over him. He's gonna say some things.  
> This fic will have a happy ending, but it will take a while to get there. Our space babies will have to spend some time apart but the angst will make the coming together so good.  
> Ben Solo deserved better. He deserved to be kept alive, deserved for good things to happen to him, but he did commit war crimes as Kylo Ren. This fic hopes to explain that yes, he did unspeakable things and yes, he can be redeemed and deserve happiness and no, the two are not mutually exclusive.
> 
> Anyway, I really appreciate comments! They totally fuel me up! Thanks and see you guys next chapter


	2. Alone and Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wakes up and begins to contemplate his situation

When Ben comes around to consciousness again, he’s alone.As he attempts to move his aching body he finds that his range of motion is limited.Raising his head he sees that he’s strapped into an interrogation table.It’s very similar to the one he strapped Rey to during the period of their first encounter. _Rey._ He tries to reach down the length of their bond to find her, but he feels nothing.

Ben Solo started to panic.His breathing picked up and was starting to come in shallow repetition. _What if the bond isn’t there anymore._ He could feel his heart rate continue to rise.What if by healing her he had exhausted the last of their bond?It had been said that the bond was as powerful as life itself.What if giving Rey her life back meant that he had used the last of their bond?His eyes screwed shut and he willed himself to calm down.He felt totally alone - alone in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time.

After he had fallen, after he had become Kylo Ren, he was kept warm by his lust for power.He had felt a solace in Snoke’s tutelage no matter how much pain it brought him.Knowing that one day the galaxy would be his to rule had meant that even during his times of greatest pain, he was comforted by the idea that one day they would all kneel before him, that all of his pain would mean something. 

When Rey had come to his life everything changed.She had come scrappy and angry, hurling insults at him despite being at a total disadvantage.She had called him a creature and for the first time in a long time something inside of him rebelled at the idea.As their force bond developed he had fallen in love with her.At first it was the tugging of their bond between them.Kylo Ren had known solitude for so long that he was split in two by any connection.Then, slowly, he had fallen in love with Rey herself and Ben Solo began to rise within him again.He fell for her bravery, her tenacity, her softness.Rey was the tender warrior.He knew of no one else in the galaxy that chose to heal her enemies, that met evil with a desire to convert instead of destroy.She had given him a new framework for which to view the world, not black and white, but instead that everything had the potential for color. 

Rey had always held out hope that he would stand by her side.She was confident that he would turn to the light, never giving up on him through his darkest and most brutal moments.He couldn’t imagine that anyone else held the space for forgiveness in their heart the way that she did.Forgiveness certainly didn’t seem like an option from the resistance fighters who had knocked him unconscious and strapped him into the interrogation chair.He began to wonder what would become of him.Would he be forced to face an onslaught of interrogation and torture for the rest of his days, however brief or long they would decide that he should live?The resistance had more morals than the First Order and he knew this.But wartime makes even honest men do things they’d abhor during peacetime. 

He reached out for Rey again, thought of her goodness and light.He missed the pureness of her presence, the calming effect she had on him - like he could stop raging against the world and just be still.There was still nothing at the end of their bond, a still coldness.He recognized something inside of himself, that in addition to feeling alone, he felt afraid. 

The last time he had felt fear like this had been in the throne room when he had been so certain that Rey would join him and he had realized she was saying no.He had never raised his voice to her before, no matter how she had frustrated him.He would never turn his rage towards her.But in that moment when he knew he was losing her he had felt the panic rise within him and he had yelled, yelled at her to let go.He was desperate and afraid to lose her forever.The fear was similar now.He wasn’t afraid of the pain he was sure they would inflict on him.He was used to pain.

He was afraid of never seeing Rey.He couldn’t bear a future without her.

Ben felt the air shift.Suddenly he could feel her through their bond.He couldn’t see or hear her, but her presence was enough.He didn’t know what was to come, but he was overwhelmed with relief to know she was still with him.He could endure anything knowing Rey was still with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really appreciate all of your feedback :)


	3. After Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey feels the aftermath of the events on Exegol when she wakes up alone

When Rey had watched them drag Ben Solo away, she had tried to use the force.She had pushed and pushed with her mind, her being, but the force was not with her.After all of her cries to the Jedi of the past to be with her, they were no longer present.Having just come back from death, she felt weaker than she ever had.

She was powerless to stop her love from being attacked.She heard the things they shouted at him and her stomach sank.She began to scream. 

“He saved me! Ben Solo saved me! _Stop!”_ But it was no use.Ben didn’t even appear to fight back.As they began to hit him in earnest, Rey had just one thought of horror. _What if they kill him here in front of me?_

When the final resounding crack sounded on his head, she let out a noise she had never heard from herself.It was the sound of pure terror and grief, the sound of a person who was losing everything.

She kept screaming his name over and over again _Ben, Ben_ as if she could bring him back by word alone.Her body was powerless to overcome the resistance forces that tried to subdue her.Through the haze she roughly registered someone saying, “knock her out and we can take her back to Ajan Kloss.We’ll take it from there.”Her vision closed around her and her eyes started to go black. 

As she tried to hold onto consciousness, she searched for his form, for the flow of dark hair, his pale face, anything.Anything to see Ben Solo for the last time.

————

Rey awoke with a pounding in her head.She felt woozy as she tried to sit up, but she couldn’t regain her balance.Rolling onto her side, she settled into a ball and wrapped her arms around herself, her knees coming in close to her chest. 

Worse than her physical pain was the ache she felt in her heart and her mind. _Where is Ben?_ She recalled her final moments of alertness as she had watched some resistance pilot turn his lifeless body over with their foot.Bile rose in her throat and her eyes screwed shut.Anything but this.Anything but a lifetime apart from him.Sobs began to choke out from her and she couldn’t contain her grief. 

Ben Solo deserved better than death.He deserved better than what he got.He rose to the light and had saved her life.She had always known that he would come to her but she never thought it would come at such a price. _I would’ve done anything to keep him alive,_ she thought bitterly.Her mind began to wander, bitter musings.It would’ve been better if she had just joined him when he offered his hand in that throne room.Maybe she would’ve convinced him in the end anyway and they wouldn’t have suffered apart for so long.Now they would never have their reunion.They would never have more than that one kiss, that one shared moment where they could revel fully in one another.

She couldn’t remember feeling the bond as they kissed but Rey knew that she didn’t need a force bond or a dyad to know that she belonged to Ben Solo in that moment and would never need another place of belonging after.

For Rey Nobody, a girl who had never had a home, she knew keenly what it felt like to exist without one.She had searched for it while she was with the resistance, tried to find that sense of belonging with her friends.She had tried to find belonging in a cause, but it never felt truly her own.She had placed parental love and duty on Han, Luke, and Leia in turn, but she never got the feeling of being without a home to ever truly go away.Kissing Ben, being held by him?For the first time in her scavenger heart, she knew a sense of home.Ben Solo was her future.

And now he was taken away from her.

Rey’s face hurt from the tightness of her crying, like grief had locked her features into a painful twist.Her sobs left her wanting air, wanting release, wanting anything but this agony.

What a cruel twist of fate that she had saved the galaxy and in return she was alone again, without a home. 

She knew it was unfair to herself but she reached down the bond.Maybe there was still some trace of the man she loved at the end of it.She thought back to the first time she had ever felt it there between them.She had resented the pull and thought it was some Sith trick that he was using against her.Her surprise knew no bounds when he had looked at her with some fear in his eyes and said, “Don’t worry, I feel it too.”Alone in her cell, she tried to remember that first feeling of connection.

She remembered Ben Solo and the moments he had peeked out from behind the mask of Kylo Ren, both the metal mask and the persona.She had fallen for him so deeply and she had resented the tie she felt to someone she could never have.But as Ben Solo had emerged from the dark, she began to hope that she could have him, that they could be together.She felt the pull of the light in him. 

_Ben.Be with me._ Maybe she could reach his force ghost if nothing else.She tried to keep the panic of the thought of a lifetime of only having his ghost at bay and tried to focus on the feeling of seeing him again.She thought of his goodness, the smile she had seen at long last. _Ben.Be with me._ She felt nothing.

Rey was determined in her grief.Everything had been taken from her.She had nothing left to do but try.She couldn’t sense Ben at all anywhere in the force.Her own grip on the force was so weak.She realized that she could barely sense anything through the force.She pushed further down their bond.

Then, something snapped into place. _Ben._ And just as quickly as he was there with her she was alone again.

She howled.But then something inside of her grew hopeful.Ben was still out there.Somewhere, somehow he was alive.And she would find a way to get to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Reunion is coming... but more angst first


	4. What Could've Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben thinks about his hopes, both past and present, for what a future with Rey could’ve looked like.

Time had no passing for Ben Solo.He could not say how long he had been awake strapped to the interrogation table, alone and afraid.But he knew it felt like lifetimes since he had felt his force bond with Rey snap into place and then disappear almost as quickly.He had been trying every moment since to bring it back.He was exhausted.

He didn’t know how much time he had left, if they would kill him when they were done with him.If that was the case, he wanted to be with Rey again before he had to go.

Ben knew that death was an imminent possibility when he had gone to join Rey on Exegol.But some small part of him thought he just might be lucky enough to live.And to have a life with her? The thought was almost too much to bear.He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined it.Every time that he had offered her his hand his vision of the future they shared changed.

She’d appeared to him when he’d least expected it once their communication through the force grew more frequent.He’d been undressed and he’d been taken aback to see her there.He wanted to understand their bond and he’d asked her questions about her surroundings.She had just raged against him, on the verge of tears with anger and distrust.He knew that telling her to kill the past would anger her more but he wanted to understand her emotion better.He had been without human contact, true human connection, for so long that he didn’t remember what it was like to be with someone without hurting them.But as he had watched Rey cry he had wanted to kiss the tears from her face.When their communication had been cut off he had one thought come to him unbidden. _I don’t want her to go.I don’t want her to leave_ ever. 

He’d carried that possessiveness with him until it turned into love. 

He had been alone when they had touched hands across the fire from one another.Something tender and fragile sprouted in him.The trust that it took for both of them to reach out.He wasn’t sure what they were doing, what it would mean if they actually could touch one another.

He’d been consumed by hunger for her.He’d longed for the contact.First the tips of her fingers, then her mouth, her neck, everything that she was he wanted.His fingers trembled as they grew closer.Once they touched, he thought everything would be different.There’d be no holding back then.

Luke had ruined everything but the feeling remained.The soft touch of her skin.The scent of her.He was ashamed by how much it fueled his fantasy of Rey.It would be a lie to say he never thought of her alone at night, that her figure didn’t haunt him in the early morning hours.Beyond the desire for her to be next to him, there was something else.He had been vulnerable with her.

He had been vulnerable with Luke and he had tried to kill him.Snoke had twisted his vulnerability and warped him to his will.But with Rey vulnerability felt different.It felt hopeful.He wasn’t sure what he was hopeful for but there was some gentle spark in his chest that refused to die after their fingers had touched.She owned his heart after that.Nothing could undo it. 

When he had offered her his hand in the throne room, he had truly expected her to join him.He envisioned a future where he and Rey sat side by side on that throne.He imagined her dressed in sleek, dark clothing that hugged her figure, showing off her precious curves and lean muscle.She would sit by his side and the universe would know fear at the sight of them.He loved the image in his mind, red and black and thrumming with power.

More than just the vision of Rey, though, was the feeling he imagined having.They would share the power evenly, two twin forces in the dark side once she fell and he would _finally_ have someone to understand him.He could confide in her and they’d make plans together.They would retreat to their quarters for solace when they were tired of the politics and power. _It was a sense of belonging and family_ , he realized wistfully to himself.Rey had meant that for him for so long.

Running to save her he had been consumed with fear for Rey’s safety.But before that?

Most recently he had hoped for peace.He pictured a small family, him and Rey and anything else they’d be lucky enough to have.Peaceful, devoid of hurt and deception and destiny and pride.His stomach began to turn as he recalled how hopeful he had been, how stupid he must’ve been for ever thinking there could be a peaceful future for him.They’d never have that now.

Almost as far back as he could remember there was always pain.This future strapped to an interrogation table would be no different.But… for one brief moment Rey had looked at him without pain in her eyes.She had looked at him with hope.He had held her and she had kissed him.

He smiled through his tears.He wasn’t afraid to cry now.He wondered if his captors were watching him.They must have thought that the proud Kylo Ren cried in fear of what would happen now.But it was Ben Solo there on the table and he cried for what he had lost.And he smiled for that one beautiful moment they had shared that would carry him through whatever hell was to come.


	5. Don't You Trust Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's isolation is finally broken when Finn comes to visit her

Rey had finally begun to get her strength back.She was sitting up on the edge of the cot.It was the only furniture in the otherwise empty cell and was bolted to the wall.She had been trying now, she couldn’t say for how long, to contact Ben again.Now that she knew that he was alive, she was relentless.Nothing would keep her from him now.She wasn’t sure how long it would take or what she would have to do, but she would see them reunited.

The first step to that was finding him.

Rey closed her eyes and put her hands palm-up on her thighs.She centered her weight and slowed her breathing. _Ben._ She tried to remember the feel of him against her, his constant presence in her mind over the years.

Still nothing.

Rey was startled out of her meditation by the whoosh of the cell door opening.Finn.

He looked so relieved to see her. 

“Rey!”Looking around the cell he started to shake his head.“I’m so sorry, Rey.You don’t belong here.”

He sat down next to her on the cot and pulled her into a long hug.Rey let herself relax into it.Finn was her closest friend.Surely he would be able to explain the current state of affairs.He would help her.

“What happened to me, Finn?Why am I here?And where’s Ben?”

“Ben?You mean Kylo?”Finn was visibly confused.“We saw you two together when we came to rescue you on Exegol.I don’t know where he is now, but Poe wanted you in here just in case, to protect you.”

And Rey realized that she was the only one who knew.No one else had any evidence of Ben’s redemption.No one else knew who he truly was.

Rey grabbed Finn’s hands.“No, you don’t understand.It’s Ben now.Ben Solo.Finn, he came to the light.Just as I always predicted he would!He came to Exegol and he saved me.”Rey’s face grew somber and she searched his eyes.She hesitated before saying, “Finn, I died on Exegol.The final battle with Palpatine?It took everything from me.Ben Solo brought me back.He fought with me at the end.This victory, my life, we owe it all to him.”

Finn was silent for a few moments.His face was slowly screwing up in distrust and disbelief.“Rey, I don’t understand.How do you know this is real?How do you know it’s not just…” he began waving his hands, “some Sith trick!I saw you wave your hands and convince those stormtroopers to believe what you wanted them to.Rey, Kylo Ren is dangerous!He can’t be trusted.I don’t know what he told you, but he’s not who you think he is.”

“No!”Rey’s voice was loud and desperate.“No, Finn, _you_ don’t know who he is.We know each other better than anyone…”She grew quiet before continuing.“When I said to you on the Falcon that I felt like nobody knew me that wasn’t entirely true.Ben’s known me better than anyone.”

Outrage grew in Finn’s voice.“How can that be possible?How is it possible that this evil freak knows you more than the friends you have spent most of your time with, who have fought beside you and risked everything with you?!”

Rey’s lower lip began to tremble, but her chin stuck out, proud and defiant as she continued.“He knows me better than anyone because we’ve been speaking for years.And I’m the only one that knows him!Now more than ever.”The words hung like dead weight in the air.Rey waited to hear them crash against the ground as they dropped. 

“So you’ve just been going around our backs?! Hailing him? Using what communicators Rey?Giving away our position so.. so what? So you could do what? Accomplish what?!”Finn stood up and began to pace, facing away from Rey.

Rey roused her strength and stood, pulling on his arm so he had to face her.“We’re a dyad, Finn.”

“I don’t even know what that is.”

Rey almost sighed with relief as she finally got to speak the truth out loud.“Two that are one in the force.Connected forever.One spirit, one energy.”

Finn snorted in disgust but Rey persevered.“We’ve been able to see each other, communicate through the force.We couldn’t control it, but we knew each other, knew we were connected.I alway said he would come to the light and _that’s_ how I knew - because we were connected and I could _feel his soul in mine.”_ She hissed out the last words.She could see that she was losing Finn.“Ben Solo rose to meet me in the light because he and I are one.”

“ _Stop calling him that!”_ Finn roared.

“He saved me, Finn! He saved my life and he helped me save the galaxy and if you just _trusted_ me for one moment you would hear what I’m saying!Finn, I wouldn’t lie to you… you’re my best friend.”

Finn scoffed.“Oh yeah?Like you haven’t been going behind my back for years to talk to Kylo Ren while the rest of us risked our lives to fight him.People we know _died_ fighting him, Rey.They’re gone because of him. _Countless_ people are gone because of him.”He ran his fingers through his hair.“I don’t know you right now, Rey.I have no idea what I’m dealing with.But you need to figure out your story.Because if _I_ don’t trust you right now?You better believe the rest of the resistance isn’t going to either.”

He turned his back to her and left the cell.

Rey Nobody had never been more alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna be a tough road for both Rey and Ben to convince those around them of the truth.
> 
> Thanks again for reading. We check in with Ben next.


	6. Disbelief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe comes to visit Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate your continued readership. My heart breaks for Ben. He wants so much and doesn't think he deserves it. He doesn't know what comes next.

Ben’s eyes were closed and his tears had stopped by the time the door rushed open and he sensed someone has come into his cell.From where he was strapped to the interrogation table, he can’t move to see who it is, but through the force he could feel the rage coming off of them in waves.

“You piece of scum.” 

Oh, so that’s how this was going to go.Ben braced for the pain.He winced when he heard the fist slam against the wall, expecting the shock of a blow to come against him immediately after.It was hard to unscrew his eyes.He once embraced pain.It was a conduit into the dark side of the force.He tried to steer his thoughts away from the pain he had inflicted on himself in order to veer away from his pull to the light.So much wasted pain in his past only to face a future of pain now. 

“Look at me!”

Ben opened his eyes.They’re not defiant.They’re soft.He hoped the resistance pilot in front of him can tell the difference. _Poe_ , Ben recalled.He recognized the look on Poe’s face.He’s familiar with the emotions that play out there.Hatred, disgust, and desperation.He had seen them before enough times when he looked in the mirror.

Poe’s voice dropped as he confronted him.“Leia gave her life for you.I know you’re her son but you didn’t deserve her.”Ben knew it was true.His mother had saved him.Without her he wouldn’t have turned to the light, wouldn’t have been able to save Rey.Leia had believed in him, never given up hope despite it all.Her and Rey were the same in that.He didn’t think he could say it for anyone else. 

“She’s gone because of you.Han, Leia, and Luke are _all_ gone because of you.Now we have no one to rebuild with!” Poe continued.His voice was still low but it carried a threat behind it with every syllable.Ben could sense how much it hurt Poe to say that.Poe had truly loved Leia, admired her.

Ben took a deep breath and spoke for the first time.“You have Rey.”

Poe sneered.“Don’t you speak her name.Don’t you fucking talk about her.You were holding her when we found you.What’s wrong with you?”

Ben didn’t know where to begin.Would Poe even believe him if he knew the truth?Would it matter?One good deed does not undo a lifetime of hurt and pain caused to others.He knew that.But he hoped his turn to the light could spare him some measure of terror in the days to come.Where to start?With the truth, he supposed.

His voice wasclear but quiet when he started.“I was holding Rey because she died on Exegol.She died saving us all and defeating Palpatine.I used the power of our dyad to bring her back to life.”Poe didn’t say anything and just stared at him, so Ben continued.“We’re two spirits in the force that are one energy.Our force bond that allows us to communicate with each other, feel each other.”There was still silence.Ben wasn’t sure if he was even making sense, if Poe would understand let alone believe what he was saying.His voice trailed off and he broke eye contact with Poe.“I can’t reach her now though.I don’t know where she is.” 

In some strange way it felt good to be telling this to Poe.It felt as though by admitting what he and Rey were, it made it more real.It made it all the more painful when Poe’s anger redoubled.

“You think you can convince me this isn’t just some twisted Sith power?That you didn’t just defile Rey’s mind by forcing your way in there?”

“No!” Ben cried.“It wasn’t like that.The force brought us together, we couldn’t control it at first.”

Poe’s voice dripped with disgust, “Doesn’t sound like she had much of a choice to be thrown together, to be forced to share her mind with Kylo Ren.”Poe spat his old name at him.

Voice trembling, Ben whispered, “It’s Ben now.It’s… it’s Ben.I’m not him anymore.Kylo Ren is dead.Rey killed him.I’m all that’s left.”

Poe slammed his fist into the table next to Ben’s head.“ _Liar!_ Stop talking about Rey, stop trying to convince me that you’re good, stop trying to make me forgive you because that will _never_ happen.Not today, not tomorrow, not in a thousand lightyears, not even when you’ve suffered for what you’ve done.There’s not a world that exists that doesn’t want Kylo Ren to pay for what he’s done.”Poe moved his face mere inches away from Ben’s.“And I intend to make sure they get what they want.”

Ben whispered, “You don’t have to forgive me.Please… just let me see Rey again.I need to see her.” 

Poe moved away and walked to leave the cell.

“Over my dead body.”

The door closed and Ben Solo was alone again.No pain had come yet, but the promise of pain to come was finally solidified.At least he knew what to expect now. 

Despite how the rest of the conversation had gone and how Poe had reacted, it felt good to speak about the bond he shared with Rey.He allowed himself to imagine a world where everyone knew about him and Rey.He fantasized about walking into the celebration at the rebel base, hand in hand with Rey, knowing that everyone had forgiven him.His eyes started to prick with tears again. 

Rey would’ve greeted her friends, pulling the close, celebrating. But her mind wouldn’t have ever left his. The comfort of the open bond would flow through him. Rey would’ve told the story of their efforts in battle on Exegol and their shared triumph with excitement. The gratitude of the resistance fighters would’ve made his stomach turn but his heart leap. But nothing would’ve made him more happy and prouder than when Rey explained to all of them that it was their bond that had truly saved both of them. 

He would’ve felt a warm sense of belonging, a sense of possessiveness as everyone knew about them, that beyond a shadow of a doubt they belonged together. Ben and Rey. Rey and Ben. One in the force.

He wanted that promise of one life to be shared together for the rest of his days. He knew that it could never happen now. He knew that. Despite what he had felt in his heart, that desperate longing for forgiveness and reconciliation, he knew that there wasn’t a world where the last Jedi would be allowed to run away with the monster who had caused this war. 

It’s funny. Without Snoke and Vader, and Palpatine behind it all, causing so much dissonance in his mind, he never would’ve met Rey the way that he did. He wondered about if he had never fallen from the light, if he had been allowed a life untainted by the manipulations of forces greater than his own, if he ever would’ve met Rey. He liked to think that their bond would’ve taken them to each other no matter what. 

He imagined them sitting together, worlds apart, as they connected and grew to love one another through their force bond before even ever meeting. What a different life that would’ve been. He could save those fantasies for another day though. For now he had work to do. 

_Find Rey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again!


	7. By Any Means Necessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe confronts Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short, but I'm just getting back into the swing of things with this story. Thank you for being patient with me and for still reading!

Rey could sense Poe coming before she heard the door open.He was easy to sense, all rage and unquiet.He had always been that way, even when he was happy.It wasn’t hard to pin it through the force.Rey settled herself before he came in.She arranged herself into a cross-legged position on her bed and steadied her heart.She could do this.She would do whatever was necessary to find Ben, to save him.

After a moment of sensing his presence, the door opened and Poe strode in. 

“Finn told me what you were saying but I had to hear it for myself.”Straight to the point then, no moment of reassurance.She supposed she should’ve expected it from him. 

“What did he tell you?”She was still calm.

“He said that you’d been manipulated into thinking Kylo Ren was some kind of ally, that you had been coerced into some kind of bond with him.”

“Poe, if you think anyone has the power to force me into anything you greatly underestimate my power.”She let Poe sit with that for a moment.If he thought he could intimidate her, he was dead wrong.“ _Ben_ came to the light.When we were together on Kef Bir, I stabbed him and nearly killed him.Leia called out to him in her final moments and in that split second, I stabbed him.”

“You should’ve let him die there.”

Rey stared him down.“I _healed_ him, I saved his life.Because every time he’s offered for me to join him, I wanted him.But I wanted _him_ to join _me_ , to come to the light, to be free of his pain and suffering.”

“Whatever pain and suffering he felt, he deserved,” Poe interrupted.

“Poe, if you keep interrupting me, I swear-” Rey started.Poe held his hands up in surrender.A small victory but there was still rage in his eyes.Rey suspected it went as far as his heart.“When I left for Exegol, he made the choice, the choice to leave it all behind and join me.He fought Palpatine with me.”She took a deep breath.“And when I gave everything I had to defeat Palpatine, to _save this galaxy,_ I became one with the force.But Ben - he saved me.He nearly killed himself doing it, but he brought me back from the dead.He was able to do it because we’re a dyad, Poe.We’re one spirit in the force.”

Poe sneered.“That’s what he said too.”

Rey’s heart leapt.“You’ve seen him?Let me speak to him, Poe, _please._ You have to, I..” Her voice quieted.“You don’t understand how much I need to see him.”

Poe’s face was stony.“Not happening, Rey.He killed so many people.People we love are gone because of him.”

Rey felt the anger swell inside of her and the force grew strong.She lifted her hand and slammed Poe against the wall using the force.She approached him slowly as he struggled and her voice was ice. 

“Poe Dameron, do not make the mistake of thinking you can control me.Do not for one second assume that you have taken Leia’s place or that you dictate what I can or cannot do.You have 24 hours to _figure this out or I will.”_ As she spoke the rage in Poe’s eyes died and was slowly replaced by fear.She released him and he fell to the ground. 

“He’s affected you more than you realize, Rey.”

Rey ignored him.“Twenty-four hours, Poe.Remember it.”

He raised himself off the ground and scurried out the door.After she was sure he was gone, she stumbled back onto the bed and felt herself grow lightheaded.Using the force like that had taken everything from her.She felt herself sinking into sleep.She fought it for as long as she could.She didn’t care what Poe or anyone else thought.She had to get to Ben. She would do whatever it took. 


	8. The Persistence of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey refuses to give up

Rey was asleep but even her rest was not idle.In her calm she felt her way through the force.She was reaching out to him.If she couldn’t connect with Ben through their bond it would never _ever_ be because she gave up on it.She would struggle til her dying breath to see Ben Solo again and nothing would stop her.Not her friends, not her enemies, not the force itself. 

She could feel him.He was searching too.She started to pour herself into the force, her very essence, the things that made her who she was.He always knew how to find her.She was too weak to reach him, but if she sent him this beacon, maybe, just maybe he could find her. 

————————————

After a time, Ben finally drifted into sleep.It had been a long time coming but she had fought to stay awake to continue searching for Rey somewhere in the force.Eventually exhaustion overcame him and he slipped into a respite from his worry.

He couldn’t say how much time had past but he could feel something tugging at him.It was the same sensation as being in a dream and having someone gently rouse him but instead of waking up he just observed his dream from a distance.Ben was confused but he wasn’t scared and he didn’t sense any danger, so he remained relaxed.He couldn’t see anything but he felt like he was somewhere.He felt part of the force.And then, there in the distance of his mind, a small flower of light bloomed into his vision. _Rey’s light._

He jolted awake.His breathing was coming in shallow spurts.It wasn’t enough.It wasn’t enough just to get a hint of her, he _had_ to reach her.It had never been enough, any of it.His futile attempts to get Rey to join him weren’t enough.He was glad of that though, or else he never would’ve come to the light.Their time together hadn’t been enough.From furtive meetings through the force, to the first time they touched, to every time they had fought each other, to every time Ben had offered her his hand, up until their very last moments together - none of it was enough.Their brief connections had always left him shocked and disappointed, not because of anything having to do with Rey, but rather the lack of her.Their joining through the force never lasted long enough.That touch over the fire, the barest of brushing of their fingertips, would haunt him in the time that came after.He wanted more of her, to touch her and make her reel from the pleasure he could bring her, to give to her all the things she deserved.Their final moments weren’t enough.Rey didn’t know that their first embrace had been with her lifeless body.Ben had imagined pulling her towards him countless times, how it would feel to rock against her, to envelop her, to protect her.Their kiss had been a promise for him, but he had wanted more.

He could spend the rest of his life by her side and it would never be enough.

How can you bear to be parted from your very self?It was unimaginable. 

Once he had given in to the light and Rey had seen him, the power that flowed through their bond was undeniable.It was exhilarating to be joined with her.The moment that she passed him the lightsaber he imagined so many other ways they could touch.When her hand touched his, a shock had gone through him.He could feel her too and she wanted him.She had always wanted him.And that felt more like belonging than he had ever felt.Being with Rey felt more natural than being in his own self.

And now he was parted from her.It felt like some part of him had been ripped off, nothing but loss and emptiness since he could no longer find their bond.He had to keep trying. 

He focused on that light, that warmth that he had sensed through the force in his dreamlike state.He pulled to mind Rey’s goodness, her strength, her bravery.These were essential parts of her.He had to reach the root.Something was still there, he knew it.He just had to find her. 

He could feel the light growing in the force. _Rey._

He could feel the tears coming the second that he saw her.Rey was his light and he had found her again.Nothing was more important than finding her and making sure she was okay.

She was asleep on a cot in an empty room.He was confused.This was a prison cell.Why was she locked up?He tried to call her name but his voice came out choked with emotions.He swallowed and tried again, softly.

Rey sat up on the cot and nothing could compare to seeing her face again, to see her look at him once more.Her eyes lit up.This was possibly the most relieved he had ever felt.Seeing her look at him with love when he showed up on Exegol was a close second, but this?This look of relief and longing on her face?This was almost too much to ask for.

Holding onto her through the force, maintaining their connection was taking everything they both had.Ben fought for it, to keep her in his sights.Sweat beaded on his forehead and there was a deep furrow in Rey’s brow.This was taking everything.They couldn’t move, they couldn’t speak, they couldn’t do anything but try to clutch at their tenuously restored bond.Ben could feel himself fading into the darkness.He could feel Rey coming with him, her strength fading too.

They were together again, if only for a moment.That would be enough for now.Ben let himself slip into unconsciousness with hope beating on his breast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little glimmer of hope for you! Hopefully you can forgive me for all the stuff that comes next *grimace face emoji*


	9. Ready to Make a Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe gets to Ben before Rey does. Ben survives it
> 
> TW for violence (not graphic)  
> Just a reminder this fic is tagged #whump   
> (but also #happyending so...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all are gonna hate me for this one...

A splash of cold water woke Ben from his sleep.He felt immediate confusion and _fear._ He knew one thing immediately - this was not Rey who had found him now.This was someone else.Someone who wanted to make a point.

“Ready?” Poe’s voice curled out the point.It was an accusation, a challenge, a demand.And hate dripped off his single word.Ben was alone in the room with Poe, still strapped upright to the interrogation table.There was no one to witness what was about to happen.Ben felt his heart drop because he knew the answer.He _was_ ready.

He had spent so much of his life at the mercy of Snoke, his anger, the torture of the dark side.He was ready for this pain.But he did not want it.He thought back to when he embraced the pain, how he had beaten his chest, striking his wound to access the pain and hate in the dark side when he had fought Rey in the forest.He had made himself bleed for the pain, the anger, the agony, and the hate.And all for what?For the first time in a long time he did not want it.He did not want to bleed.

Despite all that, despite what he wanted, what he longed for, he was ready for it.He knew the pain was coming.

He knew he could handle the pain.All his years had taught him that.

Poe’s fist slammed into the interrogation setup right next to his head.The sharp sound made his left ear ring.

“So many people are dead because of you, you Sith bastard.”

Ben thought briefly about protesting that he was never Sith, but knew the distinction would fall on deaf ears.Poe didn’t want answers.He didn’t want explanations or apologies.No, this was a feeling he knew well.What Poe wanted was revenge.And there was nothing Ben could do but sit here and bear it.Nothing would be enough to slake the anger that Poe had.There was no reason to be met there.All he could do was endure.Endure whatever was about to come and wait for Rey.

“Nothing to say then, huh?What’s the matter?Words run dry now that you’re not the one with the upper hand?”

Poe punched him in the gut.Now it began.

He started to pace around Ben, stalking him.Through the force, Ben could feel the anger growing inside him.It was a dark and thorny thing.It wrapped around Poe like tentacles, cold and inky until the man was drowning in the darkness of his own rage.There was nothing you could say to cure anger like that.Ire this deep was a thing that fed and lived and breathed on its own, taking on life outside of its host, keeping them trapped in emotion and fear.

Ben felt a flicker of sympathy for the man shouting at him now.Underneath all the fire and ash there was fear.He was afraid that the war wasn’t over, that everything would be taken away from him again.Those were big emotions, fears that you couldn’t easily fight.It would be easier to persecute Ben Solo.Ben understood that. 

“Still nothing to say?”This time Poe slammed his fist into Ben’s face.He could feel the blood start to drip from his nose.

Ben took a breath in to stifle the pain.He knew it was hopeless but he wasn’t sure he could accept not trying to reach some humanity in Poe.“There’s nothing to say I haven’t already told you.The man you hate - I used to be him, but I’m someone else now.Rey saved me.Kylo Ren is dead.Ben Solo is all that is left.”

“LIAR,” roared Poe.“You expect me to forgive you?Huh?Is that it?You expect that you can just tell me you severed some connection to a part of you and that means you should be forgiven?It doesn’t fucking work like that.Those parts of you are still inside you.You can’t just tell me that they’re gone and you feel like being good now.That’s not how this works!I can’t keep Rey from you forever, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.I’m not stopping until you pay for everything that you did.You’re nothing but a fucking creature and I won’t rest until I’ve crushed you under my boot.Nothing you do can undo what you’ve done.”

“Please,” Ben pleaded.His voice was barely a whisper.“Let me try.”

Poe sneered at him.“You don’t deserve any more chances.Some things can’t be forgiven.”

Something broke in Poe.Ben could feel it snap into place in the room, something darker than what was previously present.Ben almost felt afraid.Almost.He had lived through this much.He could take a little more. 

Poe began to hit him in earnest.Ben was powerless to move, strapped to the interrogation table. 

“You’re nothing without the mask!” Poe kept shouting as he laid into him.Ben took blow after blow.There was nothing to be done but accept what was happening.He felt his skin break around his right eyebrow.His lips swelled up.His abdomen was cramped from the repeated impact and he felt slowly it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

And all the while there was something in Ben that rebelled.It wasn’t against this punishment.It was against what Poe kept saying. _No,_ Ben thought desperately, _I’m everything without the mask.I’m finally free._


	10. Powerful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wakes and realizes what's happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my beautiful lovely readers. Thank you for being patient with me as I came up with this. I'm sorry it's so short. I wrote and rewrote the next chapters half a dozen times and wasn't happy with any of the progress, but I think I'm going where I want to now. Again, I am so appreciative of you, even if I love to make you cry. You really light up my day with your readership and comments. It means the world to me.
> 
> Anyway,,, enough sappiness from me. A very short one, but more to come (and more Dark!Rey too...)

Rey woke up in agony.

_Ben_

Immediately she could tell that something was wrong.Pain flowed down their force bond.She was done waiting.She was done sitting in this cell like she had done something wrong.

How _dare_ they.

Ben Solo was in agony and she could feel his distress.This was more than a nightmare, more than discomfort, this was visceral, excruciating pain.It was dulled somewhat through her bond, not fully restored yet, but she could tell what was happening.Someone was torturing him.Someone was hurting him with intention and malice.

Her heart broke.He wanted so badly to be good and didn’t think that he deserved it.What would this indicate to him?This would only hurt him more, tell him that he didn’t deserve anything good in this world, that all he was destined for was pain.She had seen these thoughts in his mind before.She had hoped it would be the end of them when he finally came to the light.She’d be damned if she let him sit in pain for a second longer than he had to.

Rey stood up and felt her power swell in her.She was tired of waiting for someone to come get her.This was on her terms now.Who would stop her?She walked to the door and waved her hand and the door slid open.There were two guards who were shocked to see her.Their jaws hung open.

“Where is Ben Solo?” she demanded.

“We just… Poe said… “Her anger sharpened, a blade under the distrust and cruelty of the people who she called her friends.

“Poe said what.” She demanded.Her voice carried a hint of a threat.Let them say it to her face if they dared.

Silence.Fine.

“I don’t care what Poe said.I don’t report to him.”She eyed them up and down.They were quaking in their boots.Poe and Finn really must’ve have been talking to everyone with their warped version of things.“Where is Ben Solo?” she asked again.

More silence. 

The anger grew inside of her.That part that she refused to access, that drew her towards the dark, was speaking up.It was the feeling she had when she saw herself on the sith throne, it was the feeling when she had fallen into the mirrors on Ach-To.She knew this feeling.She was done fighting it.If it had all been for nothing, there was no point anymore.If this was the results of her efforts, if she had given her life just to be vilified?Fine.She could play the villain.

She didn’t have to do what she was about to.She could use the force to make them tell her.But that wasn’t what she wanted to do.She wanted to scare them.She wanted to remind everyone that she didn’t have to stay in that cell.

Rey lifted her hand and with it the guards came up off the ground.She wasn’t hurting them, but it was obvious that with one movement of her hand she could choke them, throw them, do something far more sinister than make them hover two inches above the floor.

“I said.Tell. Me. Where. Ben. Solo. Is.” She punctuated each word by raising them a little higher off the ground each time.

“Second unit, last room,” one finally stuttered out.

Rey would not forget the fear in their eyes.

Or how it made her feel. _Powerful, vindicated…_

_Right._


End file.
